Greg: Hi Humpty. I rushed right over like you asked. What's the big news?
Humpty: Well, thank you for being so prompt my good fellow. Yes indeed, I do have some splendid news. I've been notified that I qualify for a new procedure. It's been in development for quite some time, but has not been fully certified by the FDA, so it is still regarded as experimental.
Greg: That sounds encouraging, but also a little bit risky.
Humpty: Yes, well there are risks, but ever since that sad day when I fell off the wall, life has been touch and go. All the king's men--and his horses--were totally useless. I only managed to survive because some quick-thinking passerby got my yolk into a ziplock bag and stuck the whole caboodle into their lunch box which had a cold pack inside.
After that, the folks at thee hospital constructed this plastic bubble which has been my home for ages. A bit claustrophobic, but much better than the alternative. Anyway, my doctor has advised me that the potential benefits far outweigh the risks involved.
Greg: I see. Well when you put it like that, I have to agree. What is this exciting new procedure?
Humpty: It's called a shell transplant.
Greg: Shell transplant? You mean, like an organ transplant?
Humpty: Well, yes and no. The shell is not natural. It was grown in a lab in two halves. As I understand it, they will put all my internal parts--my white and my yolk--into the bottom half of the shell. Then, they'll place the pointier half on top. A team of surgeons will then fuse the two halves together using lasers, which will form a bond that should hold everything together for good.
Greg: I see. Well, it certainly is amazing what science can accomplish nowadays.
Humpty: It certainly is. This shell comes with a whole bunch of features, too. They're not covered by my HMO, but I decided to splurge.
Greg: What sort of extras?
Humpty: Let's see. There's wi-fi, satellite TV and radio, and a built-in GPS. On the practical side, there's a shell stress detector which sounds a warning if any part of my exterior is in danger of cracking, a self-contained lifting device for getting out of my carton in the morning, and an IHB.
Greg: I'm sorry, IHB?
Humpty: Instant Hard Boiler. If I am ever in danger of falling off a wall, the IHB will deploy, and I'll be hard boiled before I hit the ground. This should avoid thee near tragedy of last time. All I would have to do is get another transplant.
Greg: I don't know if you should be going near any more walls after this. Well, I see the doctors are heading this way with a gurney, so best of luck, and I'll see you in the recovery room.
Humpty: Thank you. I'm afraid I won't be able to stay away from walls, though. I love them, feeling the wind in my face as I sit on one. As a matter of fact, as soon as I get out of the hospital, I'm going to visit the Great Wall. I've always wanted to go there. It should be very exhilarating sitting on that!