Monday, November 4, 2013

Between the Lines: Goldilocks

I apologize for being AWOL this weekend. I was at a two day show and was running here, there and everywhere, so A Writer's Week went by the boards. I'll give you a full rundown of the show and everything that happens this week on Friday.

Now I've got a very special treat. Today, we get to chat with the golden girl of fairy tales herself, Goldilocks. Let's find out what she's got to say.

Greg:  Hello, my dear. How are things?

Goldilocks:  Very well, thank you. I was out walking today in the crisp fall air. Very refreshing, even though the leaves are mostly down now.

Greg:  I see. You like to take long walks in the woods, do you?

Goldilocks:  Why, yes I do. I walk all over the forest back home.

Greg:  Yes, so I've heard. Tell me, when you're out walking do you like to drop in on neighbors?

Goldilocks:  Huh? Oh, I think I see where this is going. Look, my lawyer told you people that I was not going to answer any question related to that incident.

Greg:  Incident? To what incident are you referring. I never mentioned any incident.

Goldilocks:  My lawyer warned me about coming on here. She said sooner or later you'd drag those bears into the conversation.

Greg:  I never mentioned them. But, since you did, why don't you tell us exactly what happened.

Goldilocks:  There's really nothing to tell. I was walking along through the woods when I came upon the most lovely little house. I would have kept right on going without a second thought, but I was hungry. I hadn't eaten a thing all day. Anyway, as I passed by there was the most delicious smell wafting out the window. I had to stop and check it out.

Greg:  Um, humm. So you smelled some yummy porridge and barged right in.

Goldilocks:  I did not barge in. I knocked--a couple of times. There was no answer. I was really hungry, so I tried the door. It was unlocked. I peeked inside and it appeared that no one was home.

Greg:  Yes, so you did what anyone else would. You closed the door and continued on your way, right?

Goldilocks:  Well, no. As I said, I was very hungry, so I went inside. There on the table were three bowls of porridge--a big one, a medium sized one and a wee little bitty one. No one seemed to be around, so I tried the big bowl. It was too hot. Then I tried the medium bowl and it was too cold. The little itty bitty one was just right, though, and I ate it all up.

Greg:  Yes, I'll bet you did. So, after ruining these poor people's meal you left, right?

Goldilocks:  Not quite. I had been walking a long time and porridge is not a particularly light meal on the stomach, so I felt the need to sit a little bit. I went into the living room and there were three chairs--a big one, a medium sized one and an itsy bitsy baby one.

Greg:  Let me guess. This big one and the medium one were not comfortable, so you wedged yourself into the tiny one.

Goldilocks:  Not exactly. The first two were uncomfortable, but when I went to sit in the smallest chair, it broke into pieces. Can you imagine? After that shattering experience I simply had to lie down somewhere.

Greg:  And that's when you went upstairs.

Goldilocks:  You're beginning to sound like that nasty police officer the bears called. If you must know, I did go upstairs to take a little nap. There were three beds--a big one, a medium one and a small baby-sized one. Thee big one was too hard, and the medium one was too lumpy, but the small one was a dream. It was so comfortable that I was asleep in seconds.

Greg:  So let me get this straight. You entered the house of a stranger without being invited, ate their food, broke their furniture, and slept in their bed. That's pretty bold of you if you ask me. 

Goldilocks:  But I'm Goldilocks. It's what I do. Why doesn't anyone get that but me? Anyway, when I woke up, there were three bears standing over me. The big one and the medium-sized one did not look very pleased, and the baby one was crying his eyes out because someone had eaten his porridge and broken his chair.

I told them I was terribly sorry and offered to have my parents pay for the damages, but no. They rag the police and I was taken down to the station. I tried to explain that i was Goldilocks and this is what I do, but no one wanted to hear it. My father had to come bail me out. Even he was not pleased. I don't know what this world is coming to when a tired, hungry little girl can't get a little rest and nourishment without everyone making such a fuss.

Greg:  I supposed we should not be surprised. After all, it's what you do, isn't if?

Goldilocks:  Why yes, yes it is. See, you do understand! It's been awfully nice chatting with you, but I simply must run. My hearing is set for an hour from now. If I'm lucky those bears will be hibernating and won't show. Ta, ta!

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