Monday, July 2, 2012

Monday Interview Series: Captain Hook

Today we have the rare opportunity to speak with one of the most notorious pirates in history. He's sailed the seven seas, plundered many a ship, keelhauled countless unlucky souls, and is the scourge of children everywhere. Of course I'm referring to none other than Captain James Hook.

Greg:  Welcome, Captain Hook. I must say, I'm surprised that you left the comfort of your ship, the Jolly Roger, to visit us here on dry land.

Hook:  I find it amazing myself, but when I heard what an enjoyable time my friend and colleague, Captain Burt Sharky had with you, well how could I resist the invitation?

Greg:  Well, I must say that for a pirate you are incredibly, um, well spoken.

Hook:  Ah yes, that does tend to throw one off I've found. I must admit that most pirates I've been exposed to are terribly uneducated and, er, course. I, on the other hand--or should I say hook?--was fortunate enough to attend one of the finest colleges in Her Majesty's empire in my youth.

Greg:  Oh yes? What college was that?

Hook:  Eton College. I was studying political science, but I also enjoyed the arts, especially the works of Shakespeare. Unfortunately, my father, a nobleman of some renown, took me out of school and sent me to sea. That, alas, is where I have been ever since.

Greg:  You sound depressed about that. I always pictured you as the scourge of the sea. It seemed like you enjoyed it.

Hook:  To the untrained eye it might appear that way. I must admit that a pirate's life is, in many ways, wonderful, but they are such an uncouth lot. It really is too horrid to deal with at times. Still, the money's good, and there is a certain thrill in looting a ship and its crew.

Greg:  Although there is an element of danger. All sorts of things happen to pirates. The lose legs, eyes, even hands...

Hook:  Aye, 'tis true. As you so clumsily implied, I have been a victim of just such a catastrophe. However in my case, the catastrophe lies not in the losing of the hand, but in how it was lost. While other pirates battle grown men, I am forced to cavort with a boy.

Greg:  Oh, yes, you mean Peter Pan.

Hook:  Vex me not with that foul youth's name! Yes, I admit that I lost my hand to a mere boy, a flying boy mind you, but nevertheless, a boy. To add insult to injury, he threw my hand to a crocodile who has followed me ever since, waiting to eat the rest of me. So yes, the last vestiges of sanity have been torn from my by a scurvy brat and his band of rabble--Lost Boys they call themselves! Would that they were!

Greg:  Well, it seems I've hit a sore spot. Sorry about that.

Hook:  Oh, forgive me. I still have trouble controlling my emotions where that whelp is concerned. But I ask you, how could a child continually get the better of me? It isn't fair. I've worked to become hated, nay, feared. I believe that on the whole I've been successful, but then talk turns to that Peter Pan, and the whole thing flies out the window--no pun intended.

Oh I wish I'd never gone to sea. Politics would have been better. I mean, would it have been so bad, Parliament, I mean? If I had been an MP, I would not have to deal with the lot of silly rubbish that I have to deal with in my present situation. Oh well, hang on, I think I'd have to think that one over a little more carefully.

Greg:  Well, we'll just let you mull that over, eh Captain? After all, the grass is always greener off the port bow, right?

Hook:  Yes, yes, I see your point. I mean it's not such a bad life, really. I can set my hours, and I'm my own boss. Umm, uh, do you hear something ticking?


  1. In the middle of the article where the words should be there are just white bars. I don't know if any one else had this problem but how I fixed it was to just highlight over it then the words were visible.

  2. Thanks Marissa. It's all fixed. There's some quirk in the formatting that goes awry every one in a while. That's what I get for not previewing before posting! :)

  3. I never knew that Captain Hook studied political science- how odd! LOL : ) Great interview, thanks! ~ Jess